Articles Tagged with holidays

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holiday visitation scheduleCreating a holiday visitation schedule. Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of any divorce revolves around custody and visitation issues, and those become exponentially more poignant during the holidays. Creating a holiday visitation schedule for visitation that extends for a lengthy period of time, yet maintains a certain level of flexibility, can help everyone enjoy the holidays with a minimum of stress.

Holiday Visitation Schedule – Days to be Considered

In addition to the obvious holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Independence Day and Easter, parents should keep in mind the numerous school breaks, such as President’s Day, Spring Break, and Memorial Day. Also important are Father’s and Mother’s Day, and each parent’s and step-parent’s birthdays. Clearly, the children’s birthdays should also be considered.

Typical Holiday Visitation Schedule Scenarios

California courts offer documents to help families take a long-term look at holidays and school vacations as they attempt to share the kids. One form lists common holidays that couples should consider as they determine their holiday visitation schedule, and allows parents to consider schedules for one particular year, or even for alternate years. Depending on location, work schedules, and circumstances, couples may contemplate a number of ways to deal with holiday visitation schedules:

  • Some couples divide important days by the hour. This way each parent gets to celebrate milestones with the children: One parent may enjoy breakfast and presents in the morning on Christmas Day, while the other has a family dinner that evening.
  • For parents who live significant distances away from one another, it sometimes makes more sense to split the holidays. One may get the kids for Thanksgiving, while the other has a significant chunk of time over the Christmas holidays.  
  • Many couples alternate where the children spend special days by odd and even years.  2018 may be Dad’s year for Christmas, but Mom gets the kids for the holiday in 2019.

Of course, most couples find that these and other scheduling strategies have to be adjusted and combined over time. That is because circumstances may change for one or both parties, the holiday schedule may interfere with regular visitation schedules, or children may become sick, interrupting a scheduled visit.

When the Holiday Visitation Schedule Conflicts with the Regular Schedule

It can be frustrating to be the parent whose visitation time is impacted negatively by a holiday visitation schedule, but parents need to understand that the holiday visitation schedule trumps any regular schedules, period. If kids spend time with parents on alternate weekends, in some cases, it could lead to more time than usual with a particular parent. For example, let us say December’s weekend schedule is Mom, Dad, Mom, Dad. In a particular year, Dad’s Christmas visitation occurs during Mom’s weekend three. So Mom loses that third weekend with the kids. And yes, Dad gets to keep the kids on his normal weekends, too, so he gets them three weeks in a row. Continue reading →

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Holiday SeasonNever do you feel the reality of divorce more than during the holiday season. While some people may experience relief to be away from an unhappy marriage, others will feel the sting of missed traditions, gatherings with in-laws, and even waking up without the patter of little feet and the accompanying excitement. So what can you do to make the most of your new life during the most festive time of the year?

Identify Your Biggest Holiday Season Concern

If you figure out what the scariest part of the upcoming holiday is, you have a better chance of addressing it and feeling like you are in control of your life.  No, things will not be the same.  Embrace that fact, and come up with a plan to alleviate the most critical issues.  Be flexible, and adjust to the situation with grace.

Start New Holiday Season Traditions

What puts you in the holiday mood? Shopping? Watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on TV? Going to church? Spend some time doing the things that bring you joy and fill you with holiday spirit. If you can’t bear doing those things without your former spouse, its time to look at ways to move forward in new and fulfilling ways.

Letting go of the old traditions that you can not access anymore will go much easier if you create new traditions to replace them. If you are used to putting on a huge family dinner on Christmas Day, consider hosting a brunch in mid-morning instead. If particular music brings home the holidays for you, branch out into a new genre. If you simply cannot bear the thought of the changes in your life, maybe it would be good for you to do some volunteer work this holiday season. Serving dinner to the disadvantaged, delivering meals to housebound individuals, or sponsoring a family with economic challenges could brighten the lives of others while providing you a sense of satisfaction. In any way that makes sense for you, create rituals with friends and family that will signify a step in a new direction.

Take Care of Yourself

Despite the stresses you are facing, it is important that you take time to pamper yourself. Get enough exercise and rest, and avoid overindulging in holiday food and drink. Find time to unwind with a good book, relaxing music, meditation, or conversation with a trusted friend or family member.

Holiday Season Gratitude

Even though this may be the toughest holiday on record, you still have a lot to be grateful for, right? Pay attention to the little things. Notice the glory of a sunrise, the scent of goodies baking in the oven, the sounds of carolers at the mall. Instead of counting up all the things that make you miserable, start counting the things that you appreciate. Continue reading →

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