Articles Tagged with California divorce lawyer

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divorce or separationIt is easy to fall into the trap of making nasty remarks and selfish grabs for power and material possessions when going through a divorce or separation. After all, chances are you have some pretty big chasms of perspective when it comes to your ex. Even so, a good attorney will advise you that in order to get through your divorce with the least amount of damage, it is best to remain respectful and courteous at all times.

Divorce or Separation – Think Clearly

You may have plenty of reason to be angry, wounded, or vengeful, but put those feelings aside and think about the final outcome you would like to achieve. Stabbing at your former spouse’s vulnerabilities and inflaming already negative emotions will only encourage the same coming back twofold. Along those lines, avoid humiliating your ex by serving divorce papers in a public place, posting unflattering pictures or comments on social media, or otherwise shaming them. You are going to be attempting to reach a settlement. Do not cut yourself off at the knees before negotiations even get started.

Do Not Say Mean Things

There will be arguments, of course, but there is absolutely no reason to make accusations or threats. It is something that will demoralize your former spouse and paint you in a bit of an ugly light, as well. You really do not want a protective order issued against you; nor do you want anything you say or do to indicate that you are unstable. That could be particularly damaging if custody and/or visitation issues will be a part of your split.

Do Not Put the Kids in the Middle of a Divorce or Separation

Do not forget the innocents in this process – your children. Chances are they are going to suffer to some degree regardless of how amicable things are between the adults. Do not make things more difficult for the little ones by engaging them in discussions that disparage their other parent, by making visitation difficult, or by otherwise making them have to choose a favorite parent.

Divide Things Fairly

Although you definitely do not want the property division to be lopsided toward your former spouse, you also do not want to be petty and cheat your ex out of whatever he or she rightfully deserves. Be honest, be reasonable, and go into discussions knowing that you will likely have to part with something you wish you could keep. That is just what happens in divorce.

Deal With the Divorce Before Getting Into Another Relationship

In a challenging situation, the last thing you want to do is make it more volatile by bringing a third person onto the mix. Watching you enjoy a wonderful romance is likely to have a negative impact on your ex. That can mean anything from pensiveness to revenge. So, play it safe and hold off on new relationships. If you absolutely can not put it off, be discreet, by all means. Continue reading →

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Holiday SeasonNever do you feel the reality of divorce more than during the holiday season. While some people may experience relief to be away from an unhappy marriage, others will feel the sting of missed traditions, gatherings with in-laws, and even waking up without the patter of little feet and the accompanying excitement. So what can you do to make the most of your new life during the most festive time of the year?

Identify Your Biggest Holiday Season Concern

If you figure out what the scariest part of the upcoming holiday is, you have a better chance of addressing it and feeling like you are in control of your life.  No, things will not be the same.  Embrace that fact, and come up with a plan to alleviate the most critical issues.  Be flexible, and adjust to the situation with grace.

Start New Holiday Season Traditions

What puts you in the holiday mood? Shopping? Watching Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer on TV? Going to church? Spend some time doing the things that bring you joy and fill you with holiday spirit. If you can’t bear doing those things without your former spouse, its time to look at ways to move forward in new and fulfilling ways.

Letting go of the old traditions that you can not access anymore will go much easier if you create new traditions to replace them. If you are used to putting on a huge family dinner on Christmas Day, consider hosting a brunch in mid-morning instead. If particular music brings home the holidays for you, branch out into a new genre. If you simply cannot bear the thought of the changes in your life, maybe it would be good for you to do some volunteer work this holiday season. Serving dinner to the disadvantaged, delivering meals to housebound individuals, or sponsoring a family with economic challenges could brighten the lives of others while providing you a sense of satisfaction. In any way that makes sense for you, create rituals with friends and family that will signify a step in a new direction.

Take Care of Yourself

Despite the stresses you are facing, it is important that you take time to pamper yourself. Get enough exercise and rest, and avoid overindulging in holiday food and drink. Find time to unwind with a good book, relaxing music, meditation, or conversation with a trusted friend or family member.

Holiday Season Gratitude

Even though this may be the toughest holiday on record, you still have a lot to be grateful for, right? Pay attention to the little things. Notice the glory of a sunrise, the scent of goodies baking in the oven, the sounds of carolers at the mall. Instead of counting up all the things that make you miserable, start counting the things that you appreciate. Continue reading →

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staying togetherHow many times have you heard unhappy couples say that they are putting off divorce until the kids get older so as to avoid traumatizing them? Staying together for the sake of the children is commonly cited as a reason to avoid the split. Just how healthy a choice is it?

Facing Reality

Suffering an unhappy marriage leaves one with several choices:

  • Stay in the relationship and be miserable;
  • Stay in the relationship and fix it;
  • Get out of the relationship.

Taking a hard look at options can help you to make the right decision for you and your family.

Children of Divorce

In one study of adult children whose parents divorced during their early years, four out of five came through the experience emotionally healthy. The study indicated that many of these children were stronger and more balanced than children whose parents did not divorce.

On the other hand, parents should be aware of the fact that any divorce, no matter how amicable, is going to rock their children’s universe. Their lives will be dramatically altered, and pretending otherwise will not benefit anybody. Experts say two key factors impact the emotional well being of children when their parents call it quits:

  • Parents should continue to parent. It is important that children do not get swept up in adult matters that should be confined to the adult world;
  • Children fare best when they continue strong relationships with both parents.

Although any divorce will be painful, children whose parents handle the situation with calm and balanced emotions themselves do not generally have children who face long-term psychological issues. When children are protected from conflict and drama, they can survive the disruption of divorce.

Staying Together in a Low-Conflict but Unhappy Marriage

Many studies, in fact, indicate that the children of people who are unhappily married grow up feeling unhappy themselves. The constant exposure to conflict, or even to indifference, can weigh heavily on the young psyche.

Furthermore, children often grow up to replicate the relationships they have experienced and observed. What parent wishes for a mediocre or unhappy marriage for their children?

What about staying together and waiting until the kids are out of the house before splitting? Consider the fact that children might face serious guilt when they realize their parents sacrificed their own happiness and satisfaction for the sake of the kids.

Teach by Example

The question of divorce is complicated under any circumstances, and the best interest of the children is surely one of the most important considerations. If you are wavering on the issue of staying together or to move forward with plans to divorce, ask yourself some key questions:

  • Am I willing to give my marriage a real shot in order to create the robust, loving example I want my children to see and experience?
  • If divorce is likely going to be the ultimate outcome, am I fooling myself by thinking that staying together is better for the kids even if they grow up watching an unhealthy relationship?

Continue reading →

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The new trend of “conscious uncoupling”. When actress Gwyneth Paltrow announced her split from Coldplay frontman Chris Martin this past spring, the term “conscious uncoupling” came onto the radar of many Americans. Instead of getting divorced, Paltroconscious uncoupling - Gwyneth Paltroww claimed that she and Martin would continue living together and co-parenting their two children; however the two were consciously uncoupling and were ending their marriage. Since then, media has covered other couples who opted to take this less traditional separation path by deciding to continue living together and raising their kids, but to no longer be romantic partners. One San Francisco couple even held an uncoupling ceremony in front of family and friends, during which they gave back their wedding rings but then returned to the home they still share together.

Conscious Uncoupling

This new trend of separating has led many people to wonder about the legal effects of uncoupling. First, holding an uncoupling ceremony or announcing that you are uncoupling does not, in any way, legally end your marriage. If you were properly married with a valid marriage license and ceremony, your marriage will continue to exist until a California family court officially grants dissolution of your marriage.

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Going through a divorce and settling all related issues can be trying. Most people want to put the marriage and legal issues behind them once the divorce is finalized. Unfortunately, this is often not the case. Frequently, a former spouse will return to court in the years following a divorce in order to revisit legal matters or raise new complaints. Each time you return to court can be costly, and acrimonious tendencies may arise again. It is always important to have an experienced family law attorney on your side, one who can help you get the outcome you deserve and make the process of returning to court easier amark sanfordnd less costly.

The Ongoing Case of U.S. Representative Mark Sanford

Mark Sanford is a member of the United States House of Representatives and a former governor of South Carolina. In 2009, Sanford disappeared unannounced for several days; his assistant claimed Sanford was hiking the Appalachian Trail. When he returned, Sanford admitted to having an affair with a woman in Argentina. Sanford’s wife, Jenny, subsequently filed for divorce. The divorce was granted and finalized in 2010.

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