How do I deal with a toxic ex-spouse? Some divorces are amicable. Some are not. You may be surprised to find that your divorce has turned your one-time sweetheart into a ball of angry, vengeful, spite. How do you deal with an ex-spouse who seems to go out of his or her way to make you miserable? Following are some tips.
Don’t fuel the fire – For some ex-spouses, the practice of inflicting emotional harm on you is a game that they have to “win.” As such, they take each perceived slight, each harmful mistake you make, and throw it back at you with twice the fury. In this situation, it is often best to take the high road. Let your ex-spouse know that you will not play the game. When protecting yourself against a malicious ex, do not give them anything that can incite their rage or that can be used against you.
Protect your digital self – Many couples share information about their online selves with each other. This information often includes passwords, usernames, profile information, and the like. When your relationship goes south it is a good idea to change that information. Be sure your ex cannot have access to email accounts, private bank accounts, social media profiles, or other important online accounts associated with your name. The last thing you want is your toxic ex reading through your emails.
Set and follow boundaries – It may be likely that your ex-spouse is having a difficult time moving on from the relationship. He or she may still want to be emotionally involved and know the ins and outs of your new life. Do not be afraid to set boundaries. Let them know that you no longer feel obligated to tell them everything that is happening in your personal or professional life. Your ex does not have a de facto right to know about the new promotion or the person you are now dating if you do not feel inclined to share such information.
Involve your friends and family – It may be helpful to keep your friends and family in the loop about your relationship with your ex. Although there is no need to share details, your friends and family can benefit from knowing the degree of separation between you and your ex-spouse. This is particularly helpful when the two of you share a group of common friends. You can communicate the status of your relationship without asking your friends and family to take sides. Often, such communication invokes the social support you need to get through this difficult time.
Show empathy – Although hard at times, it is important to show your ex-spouse that you understand what they are feeling. Letting him or her know that you, too, are struggling with your changed lifestyle can go a long way to diffusing any anger or vengeance your ex-spouse feels toward you.
Getting Legal Help in Santa Rosa California
If you are facing a divorce and have questions about decoupling from your ex-spouse, Beck Law P.C. can help you. The family law attorneys at Beck Law P.C. can answer you questions and help you determine the best method of obtaining a divorce given your unique circumstances. For a consultation regarding mediation or divorce, contact Beck Law P.C. at 707-576-7175 or visit us online.
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