Articles Posted in Divorce

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cheating spouseDo you have a cheating spouse? Statistically speaking, it is not impossible. And the times, they are a-changin’. Adultery seems to be more socially acceptable today than in previous generations. The question for you is, what are you going to do now? If divorce is on the horizon, the time to seek legal assistance from an experienced divorce attorney is now.

Cheating Spouse – Statistics

Infidelity impacts more marriages than you might think:

  • Studies show that the label of cheating spouse could be applied to 22% of married men and 14% of married women at least once during their time together;
  • Nearly 40% of  cheating spouses say their flings occurred on business trips;
  • 36% of cheating spouses report to having affairs with co-workers;
  • Almost half of men say they knew what their cheating spouse was doing, while the same is true for just about one-third of women;
  • Women who suspect their husband’s are cheating are correct 85% of the time, while men are correct about half of the time.

What Does a Cheating Spouse Mean for Your Marriage?

In this country, nearly 20% of divorces that occur cite infidelity as the primary reason for the split. If your marriage is doomed to be a statistic, you should know that California is a community property and a no-fault state. This means that any marital property must be equally divided. Except for cases of incurable insanity, the only other grounds for divorce are irreconcilable differences. Therefore, the court will not consider any evidence you may have of adultery, no matter how salacious or despicable. In other words, just because your spouse is a cur, you will not be given extra consideration in the financial or property settlement. There are, however, a few ways in which you may benefit.

What the Judge may Consider

If your spouse’s actions impacted the marital estate, the judge may consider those impacts.  For instance, if funds belonging to both of you were used to buy gifts, housing, or other items for a lover, it is possible that those funds may be reimbursed to the estate prior to splitting it in half.

Also, if the cheating spouse moves in with this partner during, or shortly after the divorce, it could impact the need for that spouse to receive spousal support, since those payments are determined based on financial need.

Cheating Spouse and Child Custody

While adultery can have a devastating impact on families, it will not be a factor in determining child custody or visitation except in rare circumstances when neglect or abuse of a child can be linked to the affair itself. Continue reading →

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getting through the holidaysWhile everyone else seems to be giddy for the holidays, you may be feeling a bit glum if this is your first holiday season by yourself after a divorce. Trying to create a festive home may seem impossible, but it is important to be gentle with yourself, and find ways to make the season special. Experts offer these suggestions to consider:

Focus on Giving During the Holidays

There really are people less fortunate than you out there, and giving your time and energy to help someone else can be surprisingly empowering.  You will find that your own troubles tend to melt away when doing good deeds. So, consider volunteering at a soup kitchen, supporting a Sub-for-Santa, or helping a family that has suffered serious losses in the recent California fires.  

Create New Traditions for the Holidays

If the thought of missing your kids or your family traditions has got you down, consider creating some new traditions. Find a new restaurant or bar to enjoy, a new town to explore, or new friends to hang out with.

Decorate

Do not bypass on the holiday cheer by forgoing a tree and decorations. Spruce up your place with fun new holiday embellishments. If you are tight on cash, string some popcorn for your tree. You deserve some holiday spirit, so take the initiative to create a warm holiday home for yourself.

Cooperate with Your Ex

Avoid punishing your ex, and make things easy for both of you by being flexible and pleasant when it comes to making arrangements for kids to spend time with each parent. It is the best holiday gift you can give yourself and the whole family.

Find Solace When and Where You Need it

When you find yourself feeling lonely, reach out to get the support you need.  Whether it is family, friends, or your faith, do not be too proud to admit you need a little help.

Do Not Sit Around Being Sad

Get busy! Take walks, go to the gym, catch the latest flick. Bake something, make something, or otherwise push your creative side to do something new.  Whatever you do, avoid burrowing under your covers and counting the minutes until the holidays are behind you.

Do Not Put Off Being Happy

Sure, things are different this year. But you are still you, totally worthy of satisfaction and joy. Believe it, and do not settle for the doldrums. Make choices that benefit you, and pursue a fulfilling life no matter what. Continue reading →

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fraudulent claims of abuseNothing is worse than divorce. Actually, the only thing worse than a divorce is a nasty divorce, or a divorce in which one partner makes vicious attacks and cruel claims of abuse that never occurred. Either party may be guilty of this tactic, causing misery for the innocent spouse, and often for the children, as well. If your spouse is using false accusations against you to secure some advantage in divorce proceedings, it is critical for you to obtain aggressive, ethical legal representation right away.

Abuse and Protective Orders

An individual who claims that abuse, stalking, threats, or harassment is occurring may file an order with the court to keep the abuser away. This can come in three varieties:

  • Personal conduct orders simply order specific behaviors, such as battering, destroying property, and harassing, to stop.
  • Stay-away orders are designed to make the person under the order keep a specific distance away from the alleged victim. That means the restrained individual must stay away from the home, work, school, etc. of the person who filed the order.
  • Residence exclusions require the individual named in the order to move out of the home that is shared with the person who filed the order, taking only personal belongings.

Consequences to Persons Named in these Orders

The impact of this type of order on an individual is immeasurable. In addition to marring one’s reputation irreparably, it can result in losing access to one’s home and children. It will limit the ability to go particular places, to own or keep a firearm, and to maintain immigration status.

Fighting Back Against Untrue Abuse Charges

With an experienced attorney, it is possible to battle false charges and mitigate the consequences.  This will encompass several key strategies:

  • Preparing evidence to demonstrate the reality of the situation: There are many ways to show an innocent person in a positive light. Perhaps there are emails, texts, or other communications that demonstrate your true nature.
  • Witnesses to your relationship with your spouse may be able to verify your claims of innocence. They can testify as to their knowledge of events that may have been misrepresented, or that never occurred at all.
  • Alibi witnesses may be able to show that you were nowhere near an alleged incident.
  • Circumstances can be examined to determine what might have motivated an angry spouse to make false accusations. Was it out of spite for an affair? Was it to gain custody of the children?
  • Presenting the real you in a court of law can speak volumes. Fabricated allegations can be unnerving, but your confidence and honesty will be a useful tool in establishing your credibility.

Continue reading →

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grounds for divorceWhat are the legal grounds for divorce in California? Not every marriage results in the happily ever after that couples so hoped of achieving. In fact, the current divorce rate in this  country sits at somewhere between 40 and 50%. What we know about divorce—the causes, and the challenges, may not surprise most married people.

Psychological Tasks

Psychologists say that marriages that fail typically have one or both partners who simply have not succeeded with certain essential psychological tasks:

  • Shifting one’s emotional identity from the family they grew up in to their new family;
  • Building an intimate couple identity, while keeping autonomous boundaries alive to protect individual identity, as well;
  • Protecting the sexual relationship from family or workplace intrusions;
  • Sharing in parenting roles, while protecting the private adult relationship;
  • Teaming up together to confront challenges;
  • Laughing together to keep things in perspective;
  • Being available to comfort one another; nurturing one’s partner through good times and bad;
  • Keeping romance alive, despite the harsh realities of life.

Grounds for Divorce in California

Failing to build a psychologically tight knit union can ultimately be disastrous.  So what are the legal grounds for divorce in California?

One less commonly used ground for divorce is incurable insanity. More often, however, because California is a no-fault divorce state, one partner simply claims that there are irreconcilable differences that caused the breakdown of the marriage. That can cover pretty much any reason you can come up with. Most divorce attorneys have heard some pretty interesting stories…

Grounds for Divorce – Believe it or Not…

Clearly, a strong psychological foundation creates the basis for a hardy and healthy relationship. When couples fail to build a life together, marriages tend to eventually crack and fall apart.  Consider these unusual stories:

  • The grounds for divorce for one California woman was that when, after 22 years of marriage she discovered that her husband had voted for the current president of the United States. She felt the vote was a betrayal, which opened areas of dissention they had never before faced.
  • Following 25 years of marriage, another woman in California attempted to make a clean break from what her husband had believed to be a happy relationship. It turns out that, unbeknownst to him, the woman had won over $1 million in the California lotto.  Thinking she’d struck it rich, she hoped to skip out on the marriage and live happily ever after with the cash. Not so fast, said the Los Angeles judge over the case. After discovering that she had failed to disclose all of her assets, the judge gave all of her winnings the man she had hoped to deceive. Her ex-husband wound up without his sneaky wife, but with her secret cache of lottery winnings.

Continue reading →

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questioning my marriageQuestioning my marriage and asking what is the difference between a good marriage and a bad one? While the routines and expectations for every couple is different, one thing is for sure: Even couples in healthy relationships don’t necessarily begin and end every day floating through their relationships unburdened with the weight of questions that haunt those in unhealthy, unhappy marriages:

  • Should I stay or should I go?
  • Is this what marriage is all about?
  • Is this as good as it gets?
  • Are either of us happy?
  • Do I like my spouse?
  • Is this “normal?”

If you are lucky enough to go through every day without asking yourself these questions, or if from time to time some thought is given to such questions but dismissed, then you have already unconsciously made the determination that your marriage is worth it, and you are all in. If, on the other hand, you question whether or not you are in the right place, its time to get honest with yourself.

A Marriage Worth Fighting for

In the event that you are seriously unhappy, it is time to own up to the situation and make some tough choices. Is the life you have created worth fighting for? Is there still a flame there? Do you admire and respect the person to whom you are married? If so, it is possible that you are just in a slump and need to find ways to revitalize your relationship. Experts provide some advice on how to do this:

  • Forgive past mistakes and move forward;
  • Play 20 questions;
  • Plan a getaway;
  • Learn something new together;
  • Schedule a meal with just the two of you on a weekly basis;
  • Be lazy together. Just hang out with movies and junk food to decompress;
  • Show appreciation in new ways:  a note on his windshield, a card mailed to her office, anything novel to bring a smile to your partner.

Questioning My Marriage and Recognizing Things Are Not Going to Work Out

What if you really do not like your spouse? Does the idea of a getaway makes you nauseous, and would you would be far happier working all weekend than spending a day on the couch watching movies together? If you just can not imagine reigniting the flame, or if it was never there to begin with, acknowledging the situation for what it is can feel like a breath of fresh air.  Now, finally, you will begin to see your options.

No One Will Believe it!

You think this will come as a big shock to others. Really? Do you honestly think your kids, your friends, and your family has been fooled all this time? Think about it. Unhappiness is easy to spot:

  • A polite (or not-so-polite) tension hangs over every activity;
  • Snappy tones, eye-rolling, or other telltale signs are clear;
  • That playfulness of the early days has become obligatory civility;
  • There is always an excuse for why you do not show up as a couple;

Continue reading →

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divorce or separationIt is easy to fall into the trap of making nasty remarks and selfish grabs for power and material possessions when going through a divorce or separation. After all, chances are you have some pretty big chasms of perspective when it comes to your ex. Even so, a good attorney will advise you that in order to get through your divorce with the least amount of damage, it is best to remain respectful and courteous at all times.

Divorce or Separation – Think Clearly

You may have plenty of reason to be angry, wounded, or vengeful, but put those feelings aside and think about the final outcome you would like to achieve. Stabbing at your former spouse’s vulnerabilities and inflaming already negative emotions will only encourage the same coming back twofold. Along those lines, avoid humiliating your ex by serving divorce papers in a public place, posting unflattering pictures or comments on social media, or otherwise shaming them. You are going to be attempting to reach a settlement. Do not cut yourself off at the knees before negotiations even get started.

Do Not Say Mean Things

There will be arguments, of course, but there is absolutely no reason to make accusations or threats. It is something that will demoralize your former spouse and paint you in a bit of an ugly light, as well. You really do not want a protective order issued against you; nor do you want anything you say or do to indicate that you are unstable. That could be particularly damaging if custody and/or visitation issues will be a part of your split.

Do Not Put the Kids in the Middle of a Divorce or Separation

Do not forget the innocents in this process – your children. Chances are they are going to suffer to some degree regardless of how amicable things are between the adults. Do not make things more difficult for the little ones by engaging them in discussions that disparage their other parent, by making visitation difficult, or by otherwise making them have to choose a favorite parent.

Divide Things Fairly

Although you definitely do not want the property division to be lopsided toward your former spouse, you also do not want to be petty and cheat your ex out of whatever he or she rightfully deserves. Be honest, be reasonable, and go into discussions knowing that you will likely have to part with something you wish you could keep. That is just what happens in divorce.

Deal With the Divorce Before Getting Into Another Relationship

In a challenging situation, the last thing you want to do is make it more volatile by bringing a third person onto the mix. Watching you enjoy a wonderful romance is likely to have a negative impact on your ex. That can mean anything from pensiveness to revenge. So, play it safe and hold off on new relationships. If you absolutely can not put it off, be discreet, by all means. Continue reading →

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parental alienationWhen a divorce gets particularly bitter, parents sometimes resort to parental alienation, using the children as pawns throughout the process. Kids wind up fiercely loyal to one parent, while rejecting the other, all with the encouragement and support of the favored parent. While the nasty feelings between adults may be justified, when children are pulled into the drama in order to boost a parent’s ego or to hurt a former spouse, it can be horrendous. What are the implications of this type of manipulation over time?

Parental Alienation

Psychiatrists report that parental alienation (PA) leads to serious pain for children of divorce. After all, when children are forced to pick sides in a divorce, they necessarily must choose which of two beloved parents to adore and which to cast off. This can lead to problems for children, including:

  • Depression and lowered self-image;
  • Inability to form trusting relationships;
  • Substance abuse;
  • Self-loathing.

Detecting Parental Alienation

When PA becomes part of a child’s life, judgments become black and white. One parent is all-wonderful, the other is a complete ogre. There are no nuances, no benefit of the doubt for the targeted parent. Every word and action is immediately judged in the most negative of contexts, giving that parent no credit for any attempts at establishing a positive relationship. Researchers point to eight symptoms of PA:

  • Targeted denigration of one parent;
  • A child’s clear preference for one parent over the other;
  • Flippant justifications of a child’s disparagements of the targeted parent;
  • A child’s sense of responsibility to protect and/or defend the favored parent;
  • A child’s apparent guilt-free judgment or ill-treatment of the targeted parent;
  • Animosity toward the targeted parent that is adopted by the child’s family and/or friends;

Many of the children in these situations truly believe that their attitudes were formed objectively without the influence of the favored parent. This is referred to as the independent thinker phenomenon, and is symptomatic of the systematic brainwashing efforts of the preferred parent.

Strategies Parents Use to Create Parental Alienation

Researchers note a number of things parents do to create this vicious animosity, including:

  • Undermining the authority of the other parent;
  • Asking the child to “spy” and report on the other parent;
  • Applying unkind or cruel labels to the other parent;
  • Making comparisons between oneself and the other parent that puts the target parent in a negative light.

Long Term Effects

Parents who work to turn children against another parent often achieve their goal of creating heartbreak for the alienated parent. In addition to that, they cause horrific suffering for their children. These problems can last for many years after the divorce. Continue reading →

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joint business adventure and divorceAny divorce involves deep emotions, crushing decisions, and complicated relationships that extend beyond the couple itself. When couples are joined in both marriage and a joint business venture, things can get even more complex. In these situations, the counsel of a local attorney is essential.

Joint Business Venture – Steps to Consider

While some couples may contemplate remaining in joint business venture bliss together, others know from the get-go that working together is not a viable option. How can everyone come out a winner with so much at stake? Experts have some tips as to how to proceed:

Compartmentalize: It is important now, more than ever, to separate issues that do not belong together. Financial issues and business interests should be handled independently of childcare and emotional matters. While unraveling the feelings from the business side of the relationship can be difficult, it is much easier to establish a win-win outcome when individuals are able to step back and handle business concerns rationally.

Get the joint business venture support you need: Things are going to be tough for a while. You will need a shoulder to lean on in the moments that seem overwhelming, as well as trusted legal counsel. Understand that there are many ways to carve up a business, and plowing through those options can be exhausting. If you choose to continue working with your former spouse, examining any potential shifts in roles, financial interests, and decision-making authority will be critical. If you decide to make a total break, that will carry its own set of concerns.  

  • Look at your options with clarity: If the business has run smoothly while utilizing the talents of both you and your spouse, is it possible to continue, despite the failed relationship? Or will the divorce impact your ability to interact professionally? The climate at work is going to be set by the two of you, so if you are not going to be able to remain genuinely positive at work, looking for a new partner may be your best bet.
  • Create explicit role definitions: If you do decide to give the business a chance together, make sure you both understand precisely what role each of you will be playing at work. Nobody wants to be micromanaged, so having clearly delineated responsibilities will be essential. Determine just how much collaboration will be workable for you.
  • Re-evaluate the situation over time: If you choose to continue working together, be sure you have a contract that takes a fresh look at the terms down the road. Who knows how you will feel once the dust settles and you take a look at the situation. Maybe you will have established a new, comfortable rhythm. Perhaps you will have discovered that what you thought would be a conciliatory working relationship just never evolved into the professional repartee you were hoping for. Either way, having a contractual obligation to re-examine and tweak things later will be helpful for both you and your former spouse.

If you choose to get out of the business altogether, get a fair valuation of the company. Have a professional examine records and come up with a fair buyout plan. Then walk away and do not look back. Continue reading →

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contested divorce californiaThings can get complicated in a contested divorce. If you are ready to seek a divorce from your spouse or domestic partner, and anticipate their reluctance to proceed quickly and fairly through the divorce process, you may be headed for a thorny experience. Things can get sticky in these situations, requiring the help of a local Santa Rosa divorce attorney.

Putting Together the Initial Divorce Petition

As you and your attorney draft the divorce petition, you will go over relevant documents to make decisions relating to the division of marital assets and debt, issues related to child custody, child support, and spousal support. For example, if minor children are involved a form FL-105 (UCCJEA) must be filed, but those are items your attorney will take care of in addition to providing guidance as to the legal expectations of a fair settlement.

If You can Not Locate Your Spouse/Domestic Partner

In the event you do not know where your spouse/partner is, you will be forced to go through a process to notify them of your plans. A notice must be posted in local newspapers for several months before you can proceed any further.

The Papers Have Been Served, but are Contested

Your spouse or domestic partner has the legal right to challenge the request. If your spouse or partner agrees to parts of the document, but not others, they can simply write up their position, clearly stating what they support and what they contest. The Response form must be returned within  30 days of getting the Petition. From here, there are a couple of options:

  • Seek mediation as a way to come to an equitable agreement that both parties can accept;
  • Proceed to court and let a judge decide.

Contested Divorce and The Discovery Process

During the discovery process, both parties may request documentation and details related to assets, debt, income, and any other pertinent information. This may occur through depositions, written interrogatories, or requests for documents. There will be deadlines to respond to these requests, and, if there is foot dragging and/or deadlines are missed, your attorney can help to move things along. Meanwhile, the court may order temporary child support and/or spousal support until the divorce is finalized.

The Trial

Both sides will be able to call character witnesses or other experts, and will be allowed to cross-examine opposing witnesses. Both parties may restate their case in a closing argument.  At that point, it is all in the hands of the judge. Continue reading →

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divorce papersIf you have been thinking about leaving your spouse, one of the very first things that needs to happen is that your spouse must be served with divorce papers indicating your legal intent to divorce. These documents must be served within a specific time requirement of action in order to give the respondent adequate time to make a response, if so desired. What does this mean, and how long does it take? These, and all of your divorce questions, can be answered by an experienced family law attorney.

Divorce Papers – What Documents are Served?

There are three documents that will be served:

  • A family law summons;
  • The actual petition for divorce;
  • A response form.

Who Serves the Divorce Papers?

While many individuals rely on a professional process server to serve the divorce papers or the county sheriff to serve a summons, the law requires only that the server be 18 years of age or older and not be a party to the divorce action. That means friends, co-workers, and adult family members could all serve the divorce papers to your spouse.

How are Divorce Papers Served?

These documents may be served in one of several ways.  The most common means are outlined below:

Personal service:

When a server hand-delivers the divorce papers to a respondent, it can take place in any location including the respondent’s home, place of work, in a restaurant, or simply on a street corner. A server may schedule delivery of the papers, or may simply serve divorce papers spring them on an unsuspecting individual. As soon as the divorce papers are received, they are officially considered to have been served. For this reason, personal service is widely viewed as the best choice in serving process, since receipt is easily confirmed by the server.

Mail service:

A server may send the documents to a respondent’s home, P.O. Box, or work address. In this case, the server must document the service with a proof of service form indicating when and to whom the papers were mailed, and the location from which they were mailed. This proof will be provided to the petitioner, who then must file it with the court. The respondent is considered to have been served five days after the documents have been mailed.

Service by Publication

In some situations, a spouse may not be able to be easily located. Then the court may allow for an ex parte application of the order.  In this case, the summons must be published weekly for four consecutive weeks in an approved newspaper. In this instance, the service is complete after 28 days. Continue reading →

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